(Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Rachel Taylor, Jon Voight, Bernie Mac, et al / PG-13 / 94 mins / Paramount)
Overview: Remember the mid-'80s cartoon show about two dueling groups of robots — the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons — with the power to transform into cars, jets, helicopters, motorcycles, and such? Well, they're coming to the big screen in this live-action adaptation.
Verdict: If, like the hosts of the Today show ( I just watched them interview a sort of sheepish, worn-out Duhamel), you don't know that the Autobots are the good robots and the Decepticons are the bad ones, then you are old. I mean, I'm old, too, of course, but for some reason I watched the '80s cartoon version of this show a lot while I was in college. Anyway, they fight — these giant robots. They fight a lot. And it's AWESOME. You will leave smiling like you were seven years old and just managed to throw your toys off a very high place, watching them smash into pieces on the ground.
Michael "The Touch" Bay, bless his narratively deranged soul, somehow knew that he would be forgiven for tampering somewhat with the "mythology" if he simply made sure that things were constantly exploding and that robots never stopped fighting. So that's what happens. In fact — and this isn't a spoiler — the last 30 to 40 minutes of this long, loud movie (it's almost two and half hours) is all special effects and action. Just battles and blowing stuff up. Headache-prone parents, take note! Basically, 'Transformers' is chock full of things of dubious quality that inexplicably taste good!